PSOH 'One Morning'
by tigersilver
Summary: AU. MPREG, okay? Go away, then, if that's a squick, please. I'm starting this series right in the middle, and Leon is noticing that the Count's going through a few significant changes...so he calls Q-chan. Suuure, that'll help, right?


PSOH 'One Morning'

_A/N: This is MPREG. Yes, MPREG. _

_If you like that, excellent! If __**not**__, as you were, carry on and read _something_ else, by _someone_ else. But do know that I spent a decent amount of time sorting this whole concept out in my pointy little head, as I needed it to be both believable __and__ logically interlaced with canon, as I found I couldn't write it otherwise. And I managed it, to my satisfaction, at least. _

_So, if you're squicked, then I'm sorry. Please move on. _

_If not, well…there's a number of these interrelated fics on this theme, which will be posted as mostly chronological one-shots, not to worry. These are all completed, too, which is plus, but remember I always spend some time re-editing and correcting, as many of them are older, and I was young and stupid when I first wrote them. Now, of course, I'm simply older, but I can handle SPaG and plotting with more finesse, I hope:. I kow 'Rival' frustrates a few of you, because I'm slow, but then I rewrite every episode from start to finish, as it needs it, so…do forgive, please. _

_If you like this one, do let me know, alright? And if you don't, then be kind and don't bother to inform me you're __not__ fond of MPREG or why. I'll just assume it's not your cuppa, 'kay? _

_Right! Moving on, then…_

**0o0**

"D? Did you gain weight? You're looking kinda…fatter."

"_What!"_

"Yeah, your face is fuller." A finger ran down the curve of D's cheek. He jerked back, irritably swiping at the smear of butter Leon's fingertip left on his skin.

"I don't think so, Detective." D's voice was frostbitten, cold as black ice. He went back to nibbling his dry wheat toast, pointedly ignoring the blond man kneeling at his side, hands out and reaching.

Unfazed and unrelenting, the first curious hand paused at his collarbone; dipped into the hollow of his throat and then continued, smoothing down the front of D's white pajama top, thumb flicking a pointed nipple on the way. D shivered involuntarily and Leon grinned.

The second clasped the Count's ankle, perhaps to keep him from bolting—or kicking. Leon was no fool.

"Your belly's bigger, D." The hand caressed the little bulge in D's abdomen and the Count hurriedly brought one of his own up to cover Leon's, tugging it away futilely. He didn't answer, turning his head away, the shining curtain of his hair hiding his expression.

"See? Right here." Leon ducked his head and brought his lips down to lay a light kiss on D's navel through the thin fabric. The Count still said nothing, although he hissed in a breath. Leon waited a moment and then decided to tease a little harder.

"Too many pastries, D?" The Count blushed scarlet and renewed his efforts to remove Leon's hand, plucking at it, leaving faint red scratches.

"Not at all, Detective. I am hardly overweight!"

"No…no, I'm not saying you're overweight, babe. Just…um, larger."

Leon put his arms around D's waist and hugged gently, sorry now that he'd upset his lover. They stayed that way for a moment, until D shifted nervously.

"Leon…"

"Mmm?"

"You need to let go, Leon. Eat your breakfast before it gets cold." A long-nailed hand tenderly stroked Leon's bed hair and Leon smiled again, his face resting on D's gently swelling belly. It seemed he wasn't going to be informed yet. That was alright; he could wait.

"Nah. This is comfortable. You just keep right on eating, D; I'll stay right here."

"You really can't do that, Leon. I have a client visiting in half hour and I must be presentable. Please release me." The Count pushed at Leon's shoulders but the larger man didn't budge.

"In a minute. I'm not ready yet."

"Come on, Leon. What _is_ so very fascinating about my navel, anyway?" He shrugged again in Leon's grasp, trying to dislodge him.

"The fact that there is one."

"What?"

"You _know_. You have a navel, D. That's odd."

"And why is that odd, Detective?" D's inquiring voice held no other emotion.

An awkward pause ensued. Leon decided not to push any farther. It was obvious D wasn't planning on enthusiastically joining in this one-sided conversation Leon had started and Leon absolutely didn't want to upset him.

"No, never mind, D. Don't worry about it. You done eating?"

He reluctantly let go and stood up, ruffling D's hair affectionately.

"Well…I may have some more toast." The Count cocked his chin, considering the breakfast table. There were considerably fewer sweet pastries than was the norm.

Leon hid a grin and deliberately did not comment on the Count's recent habit of nibbling dry toast. And crackers, rice cakes and digestive biscuits he ordered in 'specially from the British import shop 'round the corner. He was glad he had a plan, since D obviously wasn't going to be telling him anything…at least not till he couldn't possibly avoid it.

He would call up Q-chan. Get a hold of him somehow. The old bat would know what was up, even if D's red lips were sealed.

Two things, two certain facts, had come to Leon's attention recently. And he was a detective, even if he was 'ex' and facts were fucking facts, pretty much.

His lover—Leon's Count—was pregnant. And frightened – Leon was sure of that, even while he reeled over the first factoid. D's continued silence in the face of significant bodily change was a clear indication. D had made no mention of his frequent trips to the toilet or his appetite, which swung daily from ravenous to non-existent. He was pale and tired and often curt for no reason. He spent more time sleeping than making love and often nodded off in the middle of it. He was undeniably a different man than he'd been even a month ago.

If Leon was correctly reading the signs (and he was pretty damn sure), the Count carried his child, no mistake. That left Leon ecstatic and worried him to frazzled state at one and the same time. It was clear this event was a cause for majorly huge concern on D's part and he wasn't saying a peep about it with his partner. That was weird; D was always a little mysterious, but this—well, this wasn't something he should be being mysterious about!

Leon had spent some considerable time over the last month trying to figure out _why_ D had clammed up. Maybe D didn't know what would happen? Or how a child could be born from a man (man?), with no womb and no birth canal to allow it?. Or perhaps he was afraid that something might go wrong with baby, or maybe he was worried that things might change between them, after the fact—or during—or right now. They'd never talked about children – only once in the very beginning had Leon mentioned it teasingly. D might not want a child. Leon had not even ever seriously considered it; why should he?

But Leon was fairly certain D_ did_ want his child. He'd been too careful of that potential little life to think that he carried it lightly. Leon was almost convinced it was fear of the unknown that bothered D; fear of change, perhaps. D had only just recently settled into a life that included a live-in lover, although it had been a couple of years now they'd been together in Tokyo. He still treated Leon formally entirely too much of time, maintaining his boundaries of privacy unless Leon forced them. A child would definitely invade his reserve and wreak havoc on his privacy. Leon rather looked forward to that aspect. D needed to relax a little more than he already; enjoy life.

But D's idea of 'enjoying life' might not extend so far as to supporting it. Or dealing with the consequences, after.

Leon wandered back to his messy little study after breakfast, where he'd been working on compiling the numerous – and completely out-of-order – historical records of the generations of Count D. When he finally heard the door slam, a sure sign that D had gone off to his morning shopping, the client come and gone already, he quickly called Q-chan and left a message on his voicemail. The old bat never answered the first time anyone called him—not even if it was Leon's D.

Leon sat and stared into space, twiddling a mechanical pencil impatiently while he waited, considering how to break the news to D's grandfather. There was no subtle way, when it came down to it.

His cell trilled and Leon snatched it up.

"Hey, how's it hanging, Q-chan?"

The icy silence was palpable through the phone, which felt like it was frosting up right in Leon's very palm. He winced and wondered if he should have been a little more respectful. It was all well and good to poke at Q-chan now and then, especially since the old bastard didn't approve of the two of them, but Leon did need his help. Better to back off a little, Leon decided.

"I mean, how are you…Grandfather?"

"And did you call for a reason, Orcot, or just to have a little chat?" Grandfather's tone was curt. They had spoken many times over the last two years; Leon had needed Q-chan's help in referencing the older records and putting them into some kind of logical order, but that didn't mean they got along. Leon was just barely tolerated, at best.

And the feeling was fucking mutual.

"Ah, sorry, sorry. So, how are you really, Grandfather? Doing well, I hope?" Leon moderated his voice to the pleasantly polite tone he used when he was trying to not to piss Q-chan off too much. Calling him "Grandfather" annoyed the old bat too, but at least it was a sign of respect. That was something.

"Very well, except, of course, for this call. Did you need something, Mr. Orcot?'

"I think D's pregnant," Leon blurted and then stopped, mouth still open. How the hell was he going to ask for help now? Q-chan was probably appalled. Fuck, he was appalled! He'd not really admitted that this could be really be real until he'd said aloud, just now.

Leon's eyes crossed. The world went a little fuzzy 'round the edges, for which he was grateful.

"_**WHAT!**_ What have _done _to my precious grandson, you devious bastard! Is he well – did you hurt him?" The old Count was roaring—very far away and it sounded like an old gramophone to Leon's ringing ears, but.

But, he gathered some air, which he sorely needed, and tried to speak…and found it difficult to make himself heard.

"You ungrateful whelp! You rapist! You—!" the old Count was screaming, and yeah, Leon could hear him now, just fine, thanks.

"No, no, I think he's ok," he said, tentatively. The Count shut up instantly. Leon went on, his voice perhaps a bit croaky and strange as it echoed into the waiting silence. "He's maybe...a month or two along? I just wanted to know what to do—"

"_**DO**__!_ You can leave, that what's you can do, you despicable cur! You ingrate, you monster...you _human_! You can just get the hell out, you Lothario – haven't you done enough damage already? I can't believe you dared lay hands on my grandson, you misbegotten, irresponsible, vile, worthless bastard!"

The Count was on a roll, gibbering insults at full volume, and Leon leaned back in his chair, cell phone several feet from his stunned ear, tuning them out. He knew all that anyway. Q-chan—Grandfather— had _not_ been happy when he moved into D's NeoChinatown Shop two years ago and the invective he'd uttered then had peeled the wallpaper, even from three thousand miles away. This diatribe was somewhat worse, but at least D's grandfather had not hung up on him immediately.

And he's said it aloud. D was preggers. It was **real**. Very, very real. Oh…fucking god.

Eventually the elder Count ran out of steam with the yelling part. D's condition clearly at the forefront of his mind, he grilled Leon on D's symptoms.

"Alright, then. So, you've noticed my grandson was often nauseous at some point, starting last month?"

"Yeah," Leon jerked himself back to the here and now, collecting his thoughts from wherever the hell his brain had gone the last little while. It was good he was still as sharp as ever, even being retired, or Grandfather would've been even more pissed off. He didn't like fools, Q-chan, and he wasn't too fond of humans.

"At least I think so. I never caught him actually hurling but it was always right after meals and he was pretty limp afterwards. I mean—he'd make a run for the toilet, every time. You know—hard to ignore, right?"

"Go on, Orcot. What else?"

Leon scrabbled through the minutiae of D's recent behaviour, trying to recall _everything_ – there might be some detail here that would make a difference in how well D dealt with this. He wouldn't let anything go wrong, not if he could help it.

It was real; they were going to be effing _daddies_.

"Uhh…" Leon couldn't for the life of him think of anything other than _that_. _That_ was big. _That_ was monumental.

_Ohgodohgodoh_—

"But you say his abdomen seems to be swelling and he looks...chubby?" The Count's voice was somewhat incredulous over that word.

"No, no! Not fat, really…more like he's rounding out a little, putting on a little padding. He's pretty skinny, you know. Every ounce is kinda noticeable."

"Ah. I see. He's eating, then?"

"Yeah. Dry wheat toast all the time. Crackers; those weird biscuits he likes. And sometimes he'll eat like a horse one day and then the next day he won't have anything but toast. And tea. He always has tea, though."

"Hardly a horse, Detective Orcot," Q-chan's voice was dry—and somewhat disgusted. "Well…moving on. Speaking of tea, is my grandson consuming sufficient liquids? Dehydration is a concern at times like these."

Leon gave up on his half-hearted grab on what used to be called 'reality'. Evidently there was a new 'reality', one in which he talked pregnancy problems over with Q-chan and neither of them tried to kill one another through the phone line. It was all hunky-dory, this new 'reality'. Weird!

"I think so. He adds a whole helluva lot of cream to his tea and he's drinking more water."

"Has he been engaged in any lifting? Carrying of the Pets? Or their provisions?"

"No. It's a little strange, but they aren't all over him like they used to be. They kinda keep a distance, even Pon-chan. And, er…I help him. Do that stuff, I mean. I mean, as soon as I noticed, I made sure I was helping him. And before, too. I did that _before_, you know."

Q-chan ignored that series of statements completely. He went on, and Leon could imagine him tapping his chin with one long scarlet-tipped forefinger. It was pretty to easy to imagine; D did the exact same thing when _he _was thinking about something odd—something that intrigued him.

Leon grinned goofily at his phone. Yeah…this fell squarely right into 'odd', this one.

Well, _fuck_!

"Have they mentioned anything to you?" the elder Count wished to know. "About this?"

"Nrgh—um, _no," _Leon gargled. He cleared his throat, flushing. "Ahem. Not really, no. Well…T-chan said something last month that made me really notice that D was acting weird, but they haven't talked to me about it or anything. I don't think…"

"Ahh. And what exactly did dear T-chan say to gain _your_ attention, Mr. Orcot?" The animosity was well-forward in the elder Count's voice and Leon flushed a darker red, though there was no one there to see him struggle with his temper.

He harrumphed. They'd come this far without tearing each other's throats out—and it was _D _who was important. Not whether Q-chan was an absolute total asshole or whether Leon was ticked off at him…and rightfully so.

"Let's not get into that, Grandfather," he managed, after a long, pregnant pause. "At least not right now. The reason I called was 'cause wanted to know what I—_we_—should be doing. Should D see a doctor? _Is _there a doctor for you guys? Is he supposed to be taking vitamins or lying down after meals or something? And…and also how? How will the baby will be born…um, that kind of thing. He's, uh. Kinda' a guy. Isn't he?" Leon mumbled the last of his questions, feeling horribly embarrassed. "Mostly?"

"How, may I ask, do you know so much about pregnancy, Mr. Detective?" The Count's tone had softened subtly. Leon relaxed, just a bit. The elder Count had all of his D's charming…sometimes he forgot that.

But it probably wasn't too dangerous to respond to it at the moment; this was about D, not him, right? Q-chan wouldn't want to kill the baby's other daddy in cold blood…would he?

Deciding he wouldn't, though he sure as shitting make Leon's life hell, even from America, Leon replied. He even smiled a little at the receiver, remembering.

"My mom. When she was carrying Chris, I was still around the house. I used to give her backrubs and stuff. Help with the chores. She took these horse pill vitamins and they made her do bed rest for the last couple of months."

"I see."

"Yeah, well, it wasn't a lot of fun for her – she was fifty when she had my little brother." Leon was so damned glad that he'd gotten to see her again and had the chance to tell her how much he loved her. All thanks to D, of course.

"She is still alive?"

"No. No, she didn't make it…I thought you knew that, Q—er, Grandfather."

"What I overheard while in disguise is not necessarily what I _know_, Detective. I am glad to learn you loved your mother and am most sorry for your loss."

There was a pause while Leon blinked back unexpected tears. He hadn't thought the elder Count would ever accept him, or even be polite, at least not in this lifetime. It was nice to hear the sympathy in his voice. Maybe he'd be an ally instead of an enemy, if only for D's sake. Leon gulped them away—he didn't have time now—and brought his thoughts back to the reason for his call.

"Thanks, um. Grandfather. I appreciate it. But, what I _really_ need to know is what to do right _now_. He hasn't said a damn thing about it and I'm afraid he's gonna get sick or something will go wrong—I don't even know what could go wrong, but—"

"I don't believe you have much to worry your little mind over, Detective. We are a race of synchronous hermaphrodites. My grandson's body will change to accommodate the little one, never fear. It is natural."

"Natural? What the hell's so natural about _that_?" Leon was starting to freak. This sounded a lot like science—and unless it was forensics, science wasn't exactly his friend. Besides, D was sorta'…maybe a little…er, magic, right? He certainly wasn't scientific!

"What exactly_ is_ that – 'synchronous hermaphrodite'?" he parroted, getting it right more by luck than anything else. "What does that _mean_? Will D turn into a woman; you know, like grow breasts and a womb? Oh my god—he won't, will he? Tell me he won't, Q—chan!"

"Not precisely, Detective. We have a special body cavity expressly for the purpose of reproduction that emulates a human woman's womb, as needed. My grandson _will_ lactate, after, but only to a degree. He'll certainly never have those 'knockers' you admire so much!"

"Grandfather!" Leon was shocked. Breasts on D made him shudder. "Come _on_—you're grossing me out, here! I don't want D to have boobs! Sheesh!"

Q-chan ignored that, too. Leon remembered the old guy was very good at making like he hadn't heard things. _Selective hearing_, they called it. Q-chan was a prime example—on the fucking wing, even. Some bat he made!

"As to how it will happen," that voice which sounded so eerily like his own Count's went on speaking, calmly, coolly, "you have only to wait and watch. And ensure that he is eating and resting properly, of course. Sufficiently hydrated, as well."

"But, can I help him? I mean—is there special food or something he'll need? Medicine? Um, Count stuff?"

The Count laughed, a gentle trill that much to soothe Leon's shattered nerves, even from a distance. He was so very fucking cool about this, Q-chan was. Like it was no big deal and Leon was an idiot for making it into one. So, they'd be daddies, right? Well...so what? No biggie, right? It was only 'natural', yeah?

"There is simply not much you _can_ do, Mr. Detective; not at this point in time. I will plan to visit when he is closer, of course."

The elder Count sounded almost happy, Leon decided. Pleased, like he was looking forward to it…or something. Maybe he'd decide to come to Tokyo; waltz on into the Shop and take over, like he had before.

But, but—Leon had thought maybe D would need more support…from _him_. That there'd be some way _he_ could get closer, shoulder some of the burden. Make up for what D was going through. All he'd done so far was get his rocks off and carry a few more kibble bags. Which wasn't much.

Not nearly enough; not in Leon's book, at least.

The Count must have sensed this, because, after a long moment, he added, "Perhaps there _is_ something you can do, Mr. Detective, if it doesn't sicken you."

"_Sicken_ me? What do mean, Grandfather?"

"When we kamis are carrying a child, all of our physical resources go to the little one, of course, similar to your human mothers. As a result, we grow gradually weaker, over time. A small sample of your blood now and again would do much to relieve that…unfortunate side effect."

Leon shook his head, not sure he was hearing right. The new 'reality' had taken another definite U-turn. He was now firmly in the middle of the Land of Really Freakin' Fucked Up.

"Blood? My blood."

"Yes, Mr. Detective. Your blood, at least, would be useful, if you could bear to spare some. Not much is needed. Blood is very…rich in nutrients."

"…Blood."

'_Kay_, Leon thought. Might as well get comfy. Freakin' Fucked Up was his new home, apparently. He could lose it later._ Soon_ 'later', but still…later. After he hung up with Q-chan, at least. Couldn't have the old fart thinking he wasn't up for whatever D might need of him, could he?

"Of course I'll _spare_ some, Grandfather! Jeez, what do you think I am anyway? If D needs it, then he'll get it, you can count on that!"

"Good to hear, Detective," Grandfather replied smoothly and Leon told himself he was _not_ being laughed at—_he was not_. 'Cause if he was, he'd have to smack Q-chan's ass and he needed him, so he couldn't do that…yet. "I'll be in touch, then, as we draw closer to my grandson's due date. If that's all…?"

Leon realized with a start Q-chan seemed to be ending the conversation.

"Wait a sec, Grandfather! I've still got more questions!"

"Perhaps later." Leon was firmly cut short. "He'll be returning soon, if I'm not mistaken. I don't believe you wish him to be aware we have talked, do you, Detective? Quite so…soon. And without his permission."

"Ah—er—oh! Christ! Um, yeah, well…"

Leon strained to hear. Yes, there _was_ the faint sound of the front gate opening. How the hell Q-chan heard that from where he was Leon didn't fucking know, but the old man was right. D would be very seriously pissed off if he ever found out that Leon and his Grandfather discussed his pregnancy when he hadn't even gotten around to telling the baby's other father he was pregnant!

Fucking livid, he'd be. Life wouldn't be worth living!

There it was again: the 'Welcome' sign to the world of Really, _Really _Weird Shit.

Leon gulped, blinking rapidly, and it wasn't merely from being nervous over maybe being discovered by D, either.

"You got a point, Grandfather," he gasped, paling. "Ciao for now. I'll call you tomorrow!"

Leon cut the connection abruptly, not hearing the urgent, "But, Detective! That's not at all necessary—" on the other end. Stuffing his cell in his jeans pocket, he fired up his laptop and tried to look as though he was working…on something, _anything_.

Then he suddenly realized D was probably lugging around heavy bags of groceries and bolted from the room, slamming the door behind him hard enough to rattle the shelves of old albums and genealogies, the ancient playbills and the scads of dusty fans the Counts seemed to collect and leave laying about for some unknown reason. The Counts were strange like that—they were strange about a lot of things, actually.

Leon thought he'd had a pretty good grasp, but now he wasn't so sure…

A slight, apple-cheeked young man, who'd been hidden behind one of the enormous untidy piles of leather-bound tomes, emerged, snorting out his long-stifled laughter, along with a great cloud of that same dust. Still giggling, he sidled out the door after Leon, head down and practically chittering, eager to find T-chan and the others. A tell-tale pile of discarded sunflower seed shells alerted Leon to his audience much later, but by then it was far too late.

The news was out—it was fucking breaking headlines in the Pet Shop: Leon and D were going to be 'daddies'. The Pets were incredibly excited—and so pleased!

…If Leon managed, of course, _not_ to piss off his fellow inhabitant in their brand-spanking-new 'reality', that was.

TBC…


End file.
